Fear of failure

Jay Lincoln

Jay Lincoln is a holistic life coach.

Fear of failure. This is a common theme I see with a number of people. We could go as far to say that sometimes in our life we may feel or experience this ourselves… There are a number of reasons as to why we come up against this in our life. Below are some of the reasons I see from working with people and also my own experience of life.

Reason 1:

Education is a big part of our life growing up. Remember back to when you were going to school and you had exams to sit. What was the most dominating thought you had in you mind? Also what were some of the thoughts you had about what people would think about your results?

Can we play doctors and nurses?

What about if we look at the way each of us as individuals learn visually, kinisetically, auditory, etc. My question would be, are our education systems set up to cater for all of these different styles? Were we encouraged as children to develop and expand this style? Were we encouraged to look at developing other styles? From my perception and what I see is that this is not often the case.

Now be aware I am not saying that this to blame, yet I wonder if the education system looked outside the square and decided to cater for all rather than just the mainstream - would the results be different. How many times do we see children behaving or acting different, so people then start to put labels on that child rather than working with the child, to understand why it is he or she does this and support them to look at changing?

Reason 2:
Society is another big part. How many people are judged on what they have achieved materialistically, sportingly or even academically? How many times have you heard people say, “I thought he or she would have done better than what they have.” Society also teaches us what we should have and what we shouldn’t have achieved by certain stages of our lives. It also penalizes people for things they do and what they do not do. Imagine if society empowered people to be responsible and accountable for themselves first, then others after? The way I see it, would be that a lot of people would not have the jobs they have today. I would also go as far to say that the world would be a totally different place than it is today.

Reason 3:
Ourselves are another big reason for failure. We set certain standards and expectations on ourselves and then set out to live this. We also play out the beliefs we have about ourselves. My question to you would be - is there such a thing as failure? From my perspective there is no failure, only learning, understanding, and experiencing. Imagine if we were encouraged to look at everything we do or did and see what we could take away from that experience, to allow another experience and so on.  Imagine the life we would unfold, not only for ourselves but others if we encouraged learning, understanding and experiencing? 

If there is one thing I see from people that have a fear of failure is an inability to allow their creative side to appear. We all have an ability to be creative and unique as individuals, yet we ourselves stop this by telling ourselves that there is such a thing as failure. Imagine playing a video in your mind of you being creative and unique! Then imagine adding in all the people you associate with doing the same! Then add in all the new people you meet being like this as well! If there is one thing I would say to you and everybody in the world it’s

Be creative, be unique, be you, and enjoy the experience of life.

You can contact Jay by phone on +64 (9) 815-7855, or you can email him if you'd like to discuss any of the issues raised.

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