Discussing :: Teenage children - how do you stay connected in their life?

#1

Teenage children - how do you stay connected in their life?

I've been pondering lately about the state of my relationship with my kids and wonder how i should go forward with it when they're older. At this stage they're young, beautiful and innocent. It scares the heck out of me when i see teens out there that seem to do as they please whenever they please. What advice do you guys (and girls) have, to maintain a good healthy relationship with a teenager?

#2

i dont have any answer for you marked but im in the same boat as you.i have 3 young children and i fear what may become to them as they progress through thier youth.

#3

Tough question! I didn't have/keep that connection with my parents during my teenage years and to be honest that made life pretty tough. I'll have to give it some more thought..

#4

I've had a casual chat with male friends on this and had advice ranging from..... 'you're dreaming give it up now'.... to.... 'there's no way on this planet that a teen remains open and honest with their parent' i have a feeling the slope will become a little more slippery the older they become. casting my mind back to my teens, it's a wonder i'm here at all thinking of all the shite i got up to as a lad.....lol

#5

Whatever you are doing now is what is setting many of your children's values. It's wouldn't be normal for teens not to want to test these values in one way or another. I was pretty lucky with my kids. One was much easier than the other but now they are 'all grown up' I couldn't be prouder of either of them. As for my own parents, I still feel like a teenager with them. I still feel they judge and condemn me. My Mum still tells me how I should behave and I'm not allowed to disagree with her even slightly without her getting phenomenally upset. It's pathetic but I guess it will never change now.


..so when they test the values which you set...how did you best deal with things..timeout? shouting? beating? (kidding)

i'm finding using the currency of the time (ie remove fav toy) and t/out seems to work at the mo. keeping consistent is the hard bit esp when you're in public...any thoughts?

#6

....I don't have children of my own yet...but I can say that my teenage nieces and nephews have always felt comfortable in confiding in me.....I'm not to sure why that is but I definitely run with it....out of all my brothers and sisters and especially the so said teenagers parents they always come and ask me for advice....lol not to sure if that is a good thing but it has seemed to work so far......I think its probably due to the fact that what they say to me stays with me unless it is totally hurtful and life threatening to anyone....which I make sure to tell them before they speak to me...and probably because I'm not their parents....I'm the cool Aunt....lol


yep, it would be good to have the 'removed' perspective on things. kids (well i did) do tend to discuss more with their peers than parents. it's finding i guess, some similar ground to drop barriers for discussion maybe?

#7

I agree Deedee - I have worked as a nanny for years and I remain very close with some of 'my' kids. I have the privelege of having conversations with each of them that they do not want to have with their parents. They know that what they say stays with me, and that they can tell me whatever they need to. I think it's one of those things that teens draw away from their parents for a time (no matter how awesome their parents may be) but having someone in their lives that they can confide in and that you ( the parent) trusts is so important.


aha, what i need is a teen mole? where do i find one?

#8

Yep - I agree TJ. At the moment my kids talk to me about things I NEVER spoke to my parents about, but I'm sure they'll tone that down a bit as they get closer to teen years. I didn't have anyone older to talk to about anything during my teen years and in retrospect it probably would have helped a great deal. I have more friends than my folks did though so there's a good chance that there'll be someone the girls can talk to.


so fi how do you maintain and keep open the channels of communication? i cannot really recall any adult that i related to as a teen and shared openly with, then again maybe it's just not a guy thing?

#9

We keep a open discussion channel at home, there are times they say or do something we don't agree with and bite our tongue to voice our opinion. Its a difficult phase in their lives and our support is important. They just want us to listen & not comment. Over time, we have become better & actually can have a discussion without yelling. Patience and sometimes not voicing your opinion goes a long way to building a good relationship!

#10

communication. be a cool parent. i try not to be so pushy (or a nagger) with my kids. i think words of advise now and then that even if they fall on deaf ears now will be of use when the kids grow older. i think if you show and make your kids feel that you Love them, they will maintain the connection.

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