Why She's Stopped Wanting Sex

Sarah Gibson

Sarah Gibson is the brains and attitude behind the playful adult toy website sexgear . She is also our official ‘sexpert’.

Imagine the scenario; you’ve been with you girlfriend/wife for some time and you think everything is great. You may even have imagined yourself walking down the aisle with this one (if you’re not already married). Then out of the blue, the flow of sexual attention you’d been enjoying turned into a trickle and then before you knew it, stopped altogether. If this sounds like a familiar story to you, you’ll be wondering why she’s stopped wanting you sexually. There are a number of possible reasons, so read on to find out more.


She no longer feels attractive

The slowing down of your sex life doesn’t always have to spell the end of your relationship. And one reason that women withhold sex is because they feel unsexy. A lot of women are very sensitive when it comes to their body image, so if she’s put on some weight or has been insulted by someone (perhaps you said something unwittingly) then she may feel unattractive. Quite simply, if she feels this way she’s unlikely to want to bare all and show you her wobbly bits. What can you do? Remind her how attractive you think she is. Paying her compliments should help her regain her self-confidence, but don’t expect the change to happen overnight.

She’s under pressure

Stress at work, looking after the kids, family obligations and/or too much cooking and cleaning can, understandably, leave your partner feeling tired and feeling anything but frisky. So why not help ease the load; cook a meal, bath the kids or clean the house. She’ll appreciate the help and you might even get lucky in return as she expresses her gratitude.

She’s mad at you

Have you done something to make your partner angry? Women won’t want to be intimate with someone that has upset them or made them angry. Women have long memories and tend to bottle things up, so you may have to think long and hard to discover what you’ve done, if you can’t think of it ask your partner. She may not tell you right away (i.e. she’s bottling it up), but encourage her to be honest with you. Be patient and listen to what your partner has to say without judging – you’ll be rewarded with a fantastic round of make-up sex.

She doesn’t enjoy sex

Believe it or not, some women just don’t like sex. Maybe they had a bad sexual experience in the past, maybe not. The only reason they have sex at the beginning of a relationship is to reel in their man. If this is your girlfriend, you’ll need to decide how important sex is to you – or try to show her, in a gentle and loving way, how wonderful sex can be.
Alternatively, she might just be bored of you pulling the same old moves, and find the sex rather routine. Try to spice things up with new positions, locations or toys. Talk to each other about what you want from your sex lives and explore each other’s fantasies. If, on the other hand, you always satisfy yourself without worrying if she achieves the big O – you know what you need to do.

She’s not attracted to you

Unless you want to abstain from sex for the rest of your life, her not being attracted to you is likely to mean ‘game over’. Even if in the past a sexy suggestion whispered in her ear was enough to have her jumping into bed with you, these days you may simply not turn her on. Perhaps the reason she is no longer attracted to you has little to do with you – there may be another man involved. But either way, if this is the reason for your recent drought, the best thing to do is part ways.

Of course this list of reasons isn’t exhaustive and other factors may be coming into play – like medication having an effect on libido, the menopause etc. If you feel your sex life isn’t up to scratch, the best thing to do is talk openly to your partner about it. It could spell the end of your relationship, but just as likely, there is a simple explanation.

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  • Jono says
    Articles like this make me cringe as they underlying tone is "if you want more sex then"
    Be nicer to her (so she feels good)
    Do more housework (so she is less pressured)
    Lose some weight (so you are more attractive to her)
    Get better at sex (so she enjoys it more)
    All of the above can be correct some of the time, but the thing to remember is the consequence of stopping the sex.
    If a guy stopped wanting his partner then she will feel unattractive and will be be wondering if he is getting it somewhere else. These 2 thoughts will occur within seconds of him saying "not tonight I have a headache)
    Sex is an important part of a relationship and women should treat it as such
    • amy says
      She doesn't consciously stop sex. Women often feel men don't treat it as important for her. If she's so tired / stressed / upset that she completely stops wanting sex, obviously something needs to be urgently addressed that is probably even more important than your blow job.
    • Brent says
      I think what most of us guys don't know, and I m now lucky enough to know is......That a woman need more emotional stimulation than men . (now I know what your thinking ) "I know that". But.... you need to start her stimulation about 24 hours before hand.Watch this on the Dr Oz show This guy is a freak, tells it straight in plain english.

      So this means if you want to get your lady stimulated and hot and horny start today....... because tommorrow is another day ..... :)

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