Initiating Sex

Sarah Gibson

Sarah Gibson is the brains and attitude behind the playful adult toy website sexgear . She is also our official ‘sexpert’.

It’s true that in the majority of relationships it’s up to the guy to initiate most of the sex.  So when ‘how about it?’ or your predetermined, repetitive nonverbal cues don’t quite cut it you need new ideas and a more subtle seduction strategy to help you entice your lady into bed.

Set the mood
Initiating sex doesn’t just have to happen when you are both conveniently in bed, send your partner a sexy text or email earlier in the day to help get her in the mood and let her imagination run wild. Tell her that you’ve been thinking about her and can’t wait to see her; you could even give an indication of exactly what you would like to do to her when she gets home.

Then when you arrive home, set the mood, candlelight and soft music really do work to get women in the mood! You could also add scents or other aids that work for you as a couple.

Cook a romantic meal
After setting the mood why not whip your partner up a treat in the kitchen? Offer her a glass of wine and cook a romantic meal to go with the romantic music and candle light. With that combination she’ll find it hard to deny your charms.

Even if you’re not all that great at cooking, give it a try and start with something simple – she will appreciate it and there is always something extremely sexy about watching a man in the kitchen. Don’t believe me? Just check out how crazy women go for Gordon Ramsey!

Give a sensual massage
There may be a number of reasons for a woman to turn down your sexual advances - even after you’ve used your best moves. If headaches, being tired or not being in mood are common excuses in your relationship; don’t try your usual moves and wait for the imminent knock-back, try a different tactic. Bring home a bottle of massage oil and offer to give your girl a spine-tingling massage, ask her to undress and lie facedown on the bed, then slowly knead and stroke her from the nape of her neck down to her butt, try to keep it non-sexual, you’ll soon find that she is in the mood and initiating the sex.

Sexual Soap Suds
After a hard day at work, or at the end of the night, hop in the shower or bath together to relax and unwind. Sensuously soap each other up and when it’s your turn, linger over her curves and let your hands explore her body with a gentle touch, she’ll soon want you to jump out of the shower and into bed... But if she’s still not quite in the mood, greet her with a big warm towel as she gets out of the bath and lead her into the bedroom to continue the pampering.

Paint your way to success
Women love intimacy, and painting your masterpiece, or letting your partner loose on your body with some colourful edible paint or chocolate body paint will satisfy her craving for intimacy whilst simultaneously getting her in the mood. The beauty of this activity is not only that you both have to remove your clothes to do it, but you also have to touch each other’s naked bodies – and you’re sure to want to lick that edible paint off too - sex is almost a foregone conclusion!

Arrange a date
People have busy lives and sometimes it’s difficult to find the time to dedicate to each other and make love. If that’s the case in your relationship then you could try to set aside one evening a week to spend some quality time with your partner. Vary each date to keep things more exciting, you could play a game of strip poker or for a unique way to initiate sex play an adult game, the game will do all of the suggestive stuff, all you need to do is relax, open a bottle of wine and have fun!

Alternatively have a movie night together, hire a movie with a sex scene that you know pushes her buttons and have her favourite snacks at the ready. Go a step further and move your duvet, pillows and blankets into the lounge to create a cosy atmosphere and then touch her body during the movie in a gentle but suggestive way, by the time the sex scenes roll around she should be just about ready to pounce on you, in your perfectly comfortable surroundings!

If, but more likely, when your advances get thwarted, don’t take it to heart, you’re not necessarily being rejected and more likely than not she still finds you just as sexually attractive as she ever did! Despite all of your best efforts you’re unlikely to get lucky 100% of the time – quite simply she won’t always be up for it. But using the tips above should help you to successfully initiate sex more often. Remember to try and keep things fresh and exciting; when your moves become predictable, it’s time to make up new ones.

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  • Jodie says
    Its Hard when you have kids to set the mood but no matter what everyone need to feel like they matter and doing some of these things is going to make that person feel important and at the end of the day a good sex life = a good relationship.
  • Marcus says
    My wife and i obviously know eachother really well by now and i use that to my advantage. She loves the unexpected and that always tilts the balance in my favour. It does involve some effort on my part, but i'm good with that if i get a result at the end of the night.
  • azpen says
    Sigh - the things that I have to post a comment to to try to win sex aids - reference the "Win with Durex Play O" competition
    • that guy says
      haha give him the prize man! i wanted it but there is more deserving out there... (plus he sounds whimpy and desperate for it)
    • ursula says
      normally i have to make all the moves ( im the woman) or it just doesnt happen. it is hard with work and kids etc but you can always make time if you want to
    • Topher T says
      I think most guys with a good head on their shoulders know to use these simple ideas to get the juices flowing but we need a wee reminder every now and then, I think we all tend to fall into the routine of just rolling over, poking her in the back and saying "go on"... can't live with us, can't live without us, Ah men!
    • Hayden says
      I'd have to agree that it is normally the guys job to make the first move but if you have an open discussion with your partner about it and let them know that its for their enjoyment too then they should take the hint and start helping out.
    • Pauli says
      lol im gona Initiate it 2nyte
    • Nicole says
      Im A Girl And I Almost Always Initiate Sex... But I Love It When He Does Because It Actually Makes Me Feel Like Hes Attracted To Me And Not Just Rooting Me Because Im Forcing Him To.

    • Narda says
      A massage sounds nice, but like it says below

      Getting frank is about keeping it direct, honest and evident.
    • Danmac says
      Some unexpected kinky (or else directly dirty!) texts during the day can stoke the fires for later on in the night. Just make sure you send the text to the right person....

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