3 Steps to Giving Her Pleasure

Sarah Gibson

Sarah Gibson is the brains and attitude behind the playful adult toy website sexgear . She is also our official ‘sexpert’.

At Sexgear.co.nz, we understand that women are complicated creatures. But at the crux of all the baffling things we say and do, and don’t say and don’t do, is one governing thing. Self-esteem.  If we’re in a seemingly unexplained huff, it’s likely we’ve just glimpsed something in the mirror we didn’t like. If we’re in a grump because you won an argument fair and square, it’s because we feel our intelligence has been questioned.  And the wonderfully powerful paradigm that is self-esteem finds its merry way into the bedroom as well. So how can you play a part in boosting our sexual self-esteem?



The complex female anatomy should come with instructions. But it doesn’t – so it’s up to you to school yourself.  Learn your way around labia, read some lit on her clit, get g-spot certified. Each pleasurable part of her body should be treated as a separate entity and excited in a different way.  Understand that some women are naturally wet, while others (through no fault of your own) will need a little lubricant assistance. You’ll be surprised what you can do when you understand the mechanics. And how your interest in her physicality makes you considerably more attractive to her.


You’ve probably heard that women tend to reach their sexual peak in their forties. Partly responsible for this delayed sexual awakening is that it takes many women a long time to understand their bodies. Men tend to get comfortable with their genitals very early on in life while most women seem to have a subconscious fear of theirs.  Consequently it can take some time and a communicative and supportive sexual partner (that’s you) to help learn what feels good and feel okay talking about our desires. Ask her questions and make her feel comfortable answering them and that sexual peak may not be so far away.

Help us get comfortable

In a new relationship, female orgasm may be more elusive than in a long-term couple.  For women, there can be a lot of anxiety attached to the first few bedroom encounters. We’re nervous about you seeing our bodies, and even more nervous about you exploring them intimately. At the end of the day, we tend not to believe that our genitals are our most attractive feature. And most women find it very hard to believe that you could be gung-ho about going down on her so if it is something you enjoy, you need to be incredibly persistent at convincing her that you can’t wait. Worship the way we look, how we move and the way we taste, and we’ll loosen right up into orgasm.


For more info, try The Expert Guide to the G-Spot, which explores female sexual response further.

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