Nine Signs That Say She Loves You

Tonja Weimer

With a Masters in Human Development, Tonja is an columnist, coach, speaker and author. Her latest book 'Thriving After Divorce', offers insight on how to become a better person and getting through after a break up.

Are you crazy about her?  Do you sometimes wonder if she feels the same way about you?  Even though you might have tremendous chemistry, most people are amazed at how fast those heady feelings can disappear if other qualities are not present.  Being physically attracted to each other is important—but it doesn’t necessarily mean love exists.

Love Love Love

Does she love you?  Here are some behaviors that exhibit how she feels.  Keep in mind that these are in general, and this information assumes that your girl is not: addicted, abusive, married, living with someone else, or an outrageous flirt.   Once you are clear about those facts, here are the nine signs that speak louder than words:
1.    Communication
She calls you often, wants to know what you’re doing, and shares her day’s activities.  When you ask about her plans for the evening, or the weekend, or even the whole summer, she doesn’t hedge or put you off.  She is open and forthcoming. 
2.    Exclusivity
When she only wants to see you, and does not give you the “space” talk, as in, “I need my space,” and is not craning her neck to watch other men walk by, you have her attention.  She makes it known to you and to everyone else that she does not want to date other people.
3.    No Conflicting Messages
She makes you her one and only love interest and does not send you conflicting messages.  She does not say things like, “I’m in love with you, you are my soul mate, I can’t live without you…AND…I saw my ex yesterday and I think I still have feelings for him.”  This kind of message will drive you crazy.  You will feel like the rubber ball attached to the paddle by a slim rubber string, batted back and forth.  The real message that is being sent is: come here… and go away.  You can’t win.  But if she loves you, her words and thoughts are straight forward and you do not feel batted around.
4.    Family and Friends
She makes plans to introduce you to her family and friends.  When you meet them, you realize they already know a lot about you because she has obviously talked about you.  Most of them (except the few jealous ones) are warm and friendly and genuinely excited for her that she has found happiness.  
5.    The Future
When she talks about her plans for the future, she automatically includes you in them.  She has places she wants to take you and sights she wants to show you.  She follows through on her suggestions.  She might also mention marriage and children, if only in an abstract way, to evaluate your reaction.
6.    Affirming
She speaks often of how proud she is of you.  She does this privately and publicly.  She thinks the work you do is the most important thing in the world and loves for you to tell her about what you accomplished during the day. She is happy to help you with your work in any way she can.
7.    Gifts
She has noticed what you like, admire, and read, and brings you gifts that reflect what she has observed.  The quality of her gift shows the level of her perception about what you like.  If she is rich, she may buy you expensive presents.  If she is not, she may send cards, books, or poems.  If she is not rich and she sends a Porsche or a pricey suit, she’s got some problems.  Have the grownup conversation with her about how you don’t like gifts she can’t afford.  That would be a very loving thing to do.
8.    Touchy
Your girl may be the touchy type, which is not the hyper-thin-skinned poor sport, but the warm, snuggly sort.  She may show her love and affection by holding your hand when you’re together, giving big long hugs, frequent kisses, and putting her arm through yours.  Her favorite date may be a movie at home so she can cuddle up with you.
9.    Helpful
Another overt sign of love is how helpful she is.  When she does the garbage detail, helps in the yard, helps you prepare a speech, or cooks your favorite meal, she wants to be in your life!
To move these feelings along, and to better understand where she is, ask her what she wants her future to look like.  If she has you in it, and a time-line for certain events that bind you together, the ball is in your court.  What do you want?
Remember: in order for love to sustain itself, it needs to flow back and forth.  If you do all of the above also, your relationship should be on track.

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  • taare says
    i think Eddy Murphy summed this all up in delirious, she loves you when she makes that sound that like "oooooooooooohhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa
    • DeeDee says
      too bad in reality not many men can get their partners to achieve such sounds lmao
    • B-Rad says
      All this fits with a girl I know. Except she has a boyfriend. Does she love me or him? I am crazy for her but don't want to do anything about it, in case things get complicated and I lose her. So confused about it??
      • BraD says
        Tight spot. No advice, but i wish u luck
        • New Member says
          Anytime you are near her, avoid eye contact and feign being really busy, if she tries to engage you further, you should have your answer.
          • DeeDee says
            If she is still with the guy and hasn't given any indication that she is going to leave him then mate I think she is playing you like a puppet master
          • New Member says
            i really luv her..........hope she too luvs me
          • New Member says
            This was like a splash of cold water in the face. Now maybe I can get on with my life and forget about that married co-worker. I've been in love with her for over 5 years now. The problem is, she won't let it die. She keeps me hanging on with a smile or a friendly comment. I feel like a fool.
          • New Member says
            The most common source of problems in relationships is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about 5 years, and wondering where the love went.

            It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has nothing to do with attraction. Love is a promise to do 4 things.
            1. To accept everything that you know and do not know about her now.
            2. To accept her regardless of what happens in the unknown future as you both age - for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if she is disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, you accept her.
            3. To forgive her later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others' forgiveness.
            4. To encourage her to improve. This 4th one gives purpose to your relationship - otherwise it will get boring.

            If you are both ready to make and keep these promises to each-other, then you are ready to love. When you keep them, you demonstrate your love for each-other. After you formally make your promises at your wedding, you complete or consummate these promises with sexual intercourse. Every time that you subsequently have sexual intercourse, you reinforce your promises – it is truly a wonderful and mutually satisfying experience.

            If you have sexual intercourse before making your promises, then you show her that you are capable of justifying forsaking her for a younger, shapelier rival when she gets older. If you are able to restrain yourself when your attraction for her is at its highest, then you show her that you are capable of resisting the rival that will inevitably come.

            Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise. by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College. (
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