Ever since Valentine’s Day inched its way into the New Zealand landscape it’s been the same story…Should I buy her something or not and do I want to anyway?
Along with this are the often accompanying reasons not to such as:
- It’s too commercial and too expensive for just one day…let me decide when I want to be romantic!
- It’s not cool to give her something - she will be offended!
- She shouldn’t expect it…what’s the big deal anyway?
- I’ve only just met her…it’s way too early to give her red roses
It’s the dichotomy of commercialism vs. romanticism; chivalry vs. modern day feminist offence and expectation vs. indifference. In addition, is it too early to declare love or strong feelings? Do you go with what you believe in or is it worthwhile examining what might happen if you don’t. Examine the following options and decide whether you want to invest in your relationship however new or mature.
Commercialism vs. romanticism
Valentines Day origins are hidden by ambiguity and there are varying opinions about just how it all began. However, in our day and age it is a special day set aside to show our love or strong affection for someone special in our life, be that anonymously or not. Yes, okay - as with all significant days, commercialism comes to the party. And why not…anyone in the supply chain to the retail market can benefit from days where there is a chance to make more money. Having said that, it is a day where you can take a moment to think about and plan and do something special for that person you want to surprise or delight. It can be romantic. It can be fun. It can be filled with intrigue. Don’t get all bitter and twisted about the political viewpoint you have. Have fun with it and delight someone however great or small. Why should you? Because the majority of women will be secretly hoping you do something special for Valentine’s. They are mindful of the fact that prices rise on the day and do appreciate the extra effort you make. Women will particularly appreciate the gesture if despite your views you can put them aside for the day in favour of showing how special that woman is to you. If you don’t do anything, more than likely there will be consequences!
Chivalry vs. the modern day feminist thinking
It’s hard for guys these days…whether to open the door or not, pay for dinner or not, offer a ride home or not…and then whether to offer red roses or not on Valentine’s Day. Come on guys don’t use this excuse. A huge percentage of women and the one’s you are no doubt interested in will not be offended by your Valentine’s gifts and actions. Quite the opposite! It’s about you thinking of her, caring for her, showing your emotions. Pull your head out of the sand when she says she doesn’t mind if she gets a Valentine’s gift or not. Of course she does. All her girlfriends will be talking about what they received from someone…what’s she going to say? Chivalry and showing her how special she is on Valentine’s Day will earn you more Brownie points than you will ever imagine.
Expectation vs. indifference
What to do if she expects you to get her something for Valentine’s Day and you are completely indifferent to the whole idea. Has she been making subtle hints that you haven’t picked up on. Has she mentioned anything? Is it going in one ear and out the other? Do you really care anyway? What’s all the fuss for one day when everything is at triple the price it normally is? This is when you ask yourself the question of “How much do I want to invest in this relationship?” and “What is her language of love that shows her that I care or love her?” What do you mean? Usually we have 1-2 key languages that mean for us that the other person cares or loves us as described by Gary Chapman. They are physical touch, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts and words of affirmation. If your partner’s key language of love is receiving gifts then it will be doubly important to remember to offer gifts on special occasions as well as throughout the year. If you are someone who is indifferent to such acts of giving, and it isn’t one of your primary languages of love, then you have to decide how much you will invest in this relationship.
It’s way too early to declare love or strong feelings
Okay, you’ve been on one or two dates or maybe been going out for a month or two casually. What do you? Risk sending or giving a card, gift or flowers to indicate the interest when you’re not that confident she really even likes you? Well yes basically. Man up. Ignore doing something, even in the early stages and she can interpret this as you’re just not that into her. She’ll take that on board and could become more distant. Make a gesture, even if its early days and it’s a small gesture, and she’ll do one of two things. She’ll either appreciate it and it’s likely to bring you closer together. Or she’ll not appreciate it, because she’s either not ready for that kind of relationship or not that into you. Either way, you get to know earlier rather than later where she’s at. Then you get to choose whether it’s worth your while pursuing the relationship.
Cut to the chase…mark the occasion…think of her and think of the relationship and make Valentine’s Day a day to remember.
© Denise Corlett – Dating Advice 2009
Dating Advice is a service set up to help professional single men and women find, attract and be successful in relationships. If you would like more help pinpointing stumbling blocks in your dating life (the things your friends, family, ex-girlfriends won’t tell you or don’t know) or to learn and practice strategies to improve your success…then contact Denise Corlett on 09 521 7449 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
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