Q & A: "About 7 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years"

Rachel Goodchild

Rachel Goodchild is a New Zealand based speaker, coach, trainer, social networker and dating expert. She is the author of Eighty Eight Dates and also writes a blog at http://rachel-goodchild.com/

Derek writes: I am 32. About 7 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. I've been spending a lot of time at home on the computer. I'd really like to get out and meet someone, but I'm not really sure how to start. I've seen the site 'Findsomone' but I don't even know what to write.

Rachel responds:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kristiand/3223920178/sizes/s/

If you've come out of a long term relationship you do need to be honest about where you are at. Are you wanting alonther relationship or a bit of fun before you find someone else to have a long term relationship with?

Working that out first is important. Men get labelled players or worse because they are not often sure what they are looking for and send mixed messages to people. So be honest to yourself about what you feel up for.
Talking to people online is a great way to build up your confidence. And meet people when you feel ready. If you want to create a profiel, take some time. There are some basic guidelines

 

1. Include a flattering photo of yourself- smiling. It's welcoming and it's more attractive to smile
2. Don't make an excuse ofr being on a dating site- every one else there is looking for someone too.
3. Create a list of attributes that make you you, but write up the information in paragraphs- women tend to like paragraphs whereas men tend to write in lists.
4. Keep it positive. Avoid any mention of anything that makes you tense, angry or shows you haven't resolved things in the past.
5. Be honest. Keep it true to you and your personality. - but do spell check it and if possible get someone to read it over for you once it's done.
 
Use the confidence you gain from chatting online to meet people in "real life" too. And good on you- it's hard starting again. But you're doing it!
 
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