How to Get to Know Someone When on a Date

Chris Tyler

Chris is an American dating columnist who is sharing his straight up wisdom on attracting, seducing and winning beautiful women. A bit of an alpha male himself check out his blog at

Trying to really get to know someone when you go out on a date is not always the easiest thing to do. People put their guard up, they are careful about what they will reveal about themselves, and most date situations are not really all that inviting for a long and meaningful conversation. After all, you are probably going to be a little on the nervous side and so is the one you are out on a date with. Is there any way that you can really get to know someone when you go out on a date with them?

Well, if you try to do the traditional dinner thing, then it’s probably going to end up seeming more like an interview than it will a real date. And that kind of environment doesn’t really warm someone up. Maybe that’s why so many people regard dating with a sense of disdain, because they just want to really get to know someone without all of the formalities and the games that people play.

Date and Dateless

Here’s how to get to know someone on a date that can make it easier to see the REAL them:

1. Choose to meet up in a much different venue than a restaurant or a movie theater.

Personally, I am not a big fan of doing the dinner at a restaurant thing for a first or second or even third date. And choosing to go to the movies just means that you are going to end up staring up at the big screen, waiting for the big climax to happen, but you really are not going to get to know each other, are you? Taking a walk in a park, meeting up somewhere where you can sit down and be relaxed and have good conversation, those are all going to help you to get to know someone a lot better on a date.

2. Let go of the interviewer method of trying to get to know someone.

It’s only natural that this happens. After all, this is how we are taught to try and get to know someone. But, when you grill the person you are out on a date with instead of having a much more relaxed and natural flow, you really don’t get to know the real them. They answer the questions in a way that they think they are supposed to answer. And you also don’t get the chance to build real attraction with that person. How good can the sparks fly when you are talking about their boring work life?

3. Be free and open to reveal little things about yourself.

People like to reciprocate things, and when you are open and free to reveal little things about yourself, this can help to move them to do the same. Take the initiative to do this, because almost everyone will respond by doing the same. Let’s say that you reveal something silly that you did in college that shows a lot about your real personality, they will feel like they should do the same. This helps to get the conversation going and allows it to feel right to open up about things that they normally wouldn’t on a date.

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  • New Member says
    yep that is sound advice
    It can feel like an interview and people never reveal their true feelings especially when there are lots of distractions around them so they can avoid eye contact and can easily break the chain of thought
  • Great advice, there's only so much you can achieve at once.
  • KH says
    Sounds good to me, particularly choosing somewhere really different for a first date. Would help break the ice too, surely?

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