What Can You Learn From 50 Shades of Grey?

Sarah Gibson

Sarah Gibson is the brains and attitude behind the playful adult toy website sexgear . She is also our official ‘sexpert’.

With over 40,000 copies of this global bestseller sold in New Zealand alone, it’s safe to say there is something kinky in the water. The erotic trilogy has enlightened many of its readers to the delights of BDSM and fantasy play.  If you or your lady haven’t read it yet, grab a copy and thumbs its pages together and apply what you discover to your sex life.

1.  Foreplay is not just a boob grab or two

Grey and Ana remind us that foreplay is about building mood and sensuality not just a quick five minute fumble before the main event.  When it comes to sex, women are very much the tortoise to their man’s hare.  Foreplay should start well before bedtime, with a smouldering look over breakfast, a passionate farewell kiss as you leave for work, a romantic txt during the day and dinner cooked for her when she gets home. Grey always makes Ana feel like he is enchanted by her sensuality and the resulting sexual chemistry is undeniable.

2. Knowledge is power

The more you know about sex the more confident you are likely to be. And women are more than happy to surrender to you and your fantasies if you exude authority. As long as the end goal is clearly your mutual pleasure she will respond well to some Grey-like, forceful, vigour. So don’t’ just read these articles, once you’ve finished 50 Shades, read anything by Tracey Cox or Anne Hooper too.

3.  BDSM is only sexy if you trust each other

50 Shades has done wonders to increase our intrigue about bondage play but actually doing it requires a number of emotional elements to be in place.  No girl is going to let you tie her up if she doesn’t trust you so you have to assure her that her pleasure is paramount, and follow through on that. Remember that only a small number of more extreme BDSM players do so to illicit pain, most of us use light bondage to allow their partner to surrender entirely to their kisses, strokes, massage and pleasuring.

4. You’ll need a kit.

For first tie-ers, you can use silk scarves, fluffy handcuffs or cotton ropes, all of which feel wonderful against the skin and not too aggressive. If you’d like to learn a few techniques, there are some great bondage guides with step-by-step instructions.  Sensual bondage isn’t just about chaining her to a bedpost; it’s about draping the silk scarf across her breasts, or tying yourselves together for the most intimate of connections. 

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  • Hutster7 says
    Let the games begin..
  • Violet says
    There is no denying that this book is a phenomenon. Unfortunately it is very repetitive in the fantasy department. Spanking is not the only kinky/unusual/non-vanilla activity out there.
    Do some reading, try some stuff but remember the three rules;
    safe, sane and consensual.
    Have fun!
    Violet Ivy, Author

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