If you’ve worked hard to charm a lady into bed then the last thing that you want to do is scare her out of it. Whether it’s the ‘lucky third date’ with somebody new or you’re making the step from friend to lover with someone that you’ve known for a while, when it comes to sex in new relationships there are a few things that you should avoid. Here are my top five:

1. Moving Out of the Comfort Zone

As strange as it may sound, simply asking a new partner to do something that she’s never done before can be frightening for her. This of course depends on how confident she is in her sexual prowess. But rather than requesting something out of the blue while you’re getting it on, ask her beforehand if she has ever tried what it is that you want her to do; that way you can get a feel for her comfort level.

2. Unexpectedly Knocking on the Backdoor

Women have varying ideas about anal stimulation – some love it and some hate it. So until you know how your new partner feels you should stay away from the backdoor. Don’t even let a single finger stray back there and certainly do not test the water by trying to penetrate her butt. Unexpected anal penetration is pretty much guaranteed to scare her in bed. Get an idea of her views on the act before you try anything anal.

3. Letting your Tongue Run Away with you

A little dirty talk can be erotic, but take care not to let your tongue run away with you. In the heat of the moment all kinds of things can come out. And while it’s one thing to whisper a fantasy in your lovers ear, it’s quite another to spill your deepest darkest desires in graphic detail like a man possessed. So, if you are not careful, it’s not just your actions but your words that can see her quaking in her knee-high boots!

4. Whipping Out the Sex Gear

Introducing your stash of sex toys to a new partner should be carefully timed. And if you haven’t fore-warned your new beau, you certainly shouldn’t whip them out the first time you have sex. Yes, sex toys maybe a normal part of your life but that won’t necessarily be the case for her. So make sure you ease her into the idea before you bring out all your toys. Take extra care if your toy box is like a BDSM dungeon!

5. Pain Play

Biting your partner, hitting her or tightening your grip around her throat is a sure fire way to send your new partner running. While some people do get genuine pleasure from rough sex or pain play, most will think that you are a psycho and will get out of there as soon as humanly possible. When it is ok? When she has either requested it or has been pre-warned that it turns you on and agreed to give it a go.

The golden rule – if you are not 100% sure that she is into the same kinky things as you then leave them out. It’s far better to discuss your sexual fantasies with your new partner, and gauge her reaction, than it is to spring it on her in the throes of passion - and freak her out so much that she never returns to your bed!