These days thanks to the internet, sex education and... erm... movies, most guys know the whereabouts of the clitoris. But you just have to listen to Lily Allen’s latest track to realise that not everyone knows what to do with it! Below are some things that every man should know along with some tips for giving her the big O.

The Basics

Most of you will already be familiar with this but just in case... the clitoris is the female equivalent to the male penis. It has an abundance of nerve endings that make it the most erotically sensitive part of a woman’s body. For most women direct clitoral stimulation is the only way they will achieve orgasm. The clitoris increases in size and becomes ‘erect’ during sexual excitement – remind you of anything? But unlike the penis, after orgasm if stimulation is resumed multiple orgasms are possible.

Show and Tell

To make life more difficult for you, women differ in the way they like their clitoris to be stimulated! Some like circular movements over the whole area (and may even have a preference on direction), others like it to be massaged between the fingers and some women may just like to have the top of the clitoris brushed lightly with a finger tip. That’s why communication is really important, talk to your lover in a sensitive sensual way to find out if what you are doing is hitting the spot. Studies show over 60% of women have admitted to partaking in some self-pleasure; so more likely than not she’ll know what she likes and will be able to tell you. Some ladies may be more shy about this than others so if she’s not comfortable telling you, ask her to guide you and move your hand to the places where she’d like to be touched. If she’s more confident then she might even be willing to show you – which guys are into, right?

Take a Trip Down South

You like oral sex when it’s done to you and you’re probably not surprised to hear most women like it too! Start out slowly and then increase pressure and speed; remember communication allows you to know what’s really turning her on (that is; if it’s not obvious from her groaning!). It’s important that she’s relaxed and knows you’re having a good time down there so throw in some emphatic sounds like ‘mmm’s’ and ‘ohhh’s’, it’ll not only communicate that you are enjoying yourself but the vibrations from you vocal cords will feel great too.

Assume the Position

Some positions are better than others for clitoral stimulation during sex. Woman-on-top positions like the reverse missionary (just like the ordinary missionary but with the woman on top) tend to be good and not only provide stimulation but also allow your partner to control the rhythm and intensity of movements. Alternatively you could take a different approach and use a rear entry position like ‘spoons’ and manually stimulate the clitoris with your hand. There are a whole load of great positions out there - take a look at the Karma Sutra if you need some inspiration.

Get a Helping Hand

Despite your best efforts some women may still find it difficult to orgasm, but there is help at hand. You can introduce a vibrator into your love making to provide some explosive sensations and help her on her way. Using a bullet vibe, clit vibe or vibrating cock ring during sex can not only send her over the edge but adds a new sensation for you too.

It’s worth your while making the clitoris your friend, if you’re competent at giving her the big O or even multiple orgasms then you’re a lot less likely to get the old headache excuse when you fancy some action! The key is to be patient – the female orgasm takes longer to develop than the male one, but it’s well worth the wait, it tends to last longer and when you know how, it can be turned into multiples. There’s nothing sexier than seeing your lover reaching orgasm, so go and try out some new tricks!

Take Care, Sarah Gibson at www.sexgear.co.nz

P.S. If there’s anything about sex that you’d like to ask, or a discussion you’d like to start just email me info@sg.co.nz and I’ll do my best to write about it for you here at getfrank.co.nz