Ten Signs That She's Leaving You

Tonja Weimer

With a Masters in Human Development, Tonja is an columnist, coach, speaker and author. Her latest book 'Thriving After Divorce', offers insight on how to become a better person and getting through after a break up.

Has your significant other been acting different lately?  Does she seem more distant, detached, and less available than she used to be?  Does she avoid long discussions, or the arguments you used to have, or opportunities for intimacy?  And are you starting to wonder where she is or what she is doing?  These are some of the signals that could indicate she is becoming involved with someone else.

Here are ten signs that show up when someone is pulling away, has met another, or … is thinking about walking:
1.    She gets a new cell phone.  When she leaves the room to take calls on her new cell phone, something is up.  If she can’t leave the room, or she doesn’t answer her phone because you are there, she may say it’s just a business call and that she’ll call them back later.  This is a sign that she may be talking to someone she doesn’t want you to know about.
2.    She changes her style.  If she buys new clothes, changes her hairstyle, and is more concerned about her appearance than you remember her being before, if it’s not a mid-life crisis, this can be an indication that she is trying to please someone other than you.
3.    Her work hours change.  It’s suspicious when she has more weekend or overnight trips and works later at the office than she used to…unless she just got a big promotion.
4.    She displays more emotional distance than usual.  If she’s just not there and you can’t reach her, no matter what you say or do, something has caused her to retreat.  When you ask what’s going on with her and she says it’s her work, this response deserves further investigation.
5.    She often mopes around the house, but before she goes out, she perks up.  If she has an attitude that she is misunderstood and unappreciated at home, this may be her justification for doing something she feels guilty about.  She doesn’t want your help when she is feeling down.  She only starts to look happy when she is leaving the house.
6.    She wants a new body: i.e. breast implants, or a facelift, or a tummy tuck… when she’s never talked about needing this before.  (She has not gotten a raise and she’s not the right age for a mid-life crisis.)
7.    She accuses you of flirting or wanting to be with other women.  This seems to come out of left field.  You are surprised when she says she thinks you are having an affair.  People often accuse others of what they themselves are doing… or are thinking of doing.
8.    She’s critical.  She criticizes the way you look, the way you think, what you say, or the way you do things.  When you protest, she accuses you of being critical of her.  She seems to continually be finding things wrong with you.  But then you realize…you haven’t changed—she has.
9.    She spends hours on the computer.  She has started to stay up late using the computer.  When you ask her about it, she makes excuses, or says that it’s work related, or… just won’t tell you what she’s doing.

10.    Sex is non-existent or uninspired.  You can’t remember when she’s paid attention to you …or, when the two of you have had a romantic night.  She doesn’t seem to miss you the way you miss her.  When you mention this to her, she denies that anything is wrong.  Often, she says she’s just tired.

Any one of these signs is a red flag that something is not working in your relationship, but if you answered yes to three or more, it signifies that your romance is rocky and needs immediate attention. 
It’s not a good idea to live in denial that things have changed for the two of you and hope that she will go back to being the way she used to be.  It is a good idea to go to counseling together if you want to save your relationship.  If she won’t go to a counselor with you, and if you can’t put it back together, stay in counseling long enough to heal… and to see what you can learn.

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  • samala says
    I wouldnt take this list too seriously. If your partner had all of these going on then yea they probably are, but at least five of these can also be signs that your partner is getting depressed or stressed out at home. I have three kids and have suffered from depression and am quite often stressed. I find going on the computer is my way of copeing sometimes. Im not on here talking up guys, I love my
    partner and am definitely not leaving him but a few of these 'signs'would freak him out if he read them under this heading. Life is not always roses and if you have any worries about your partner then sit down and talk to them. You might find out that all they need is a good night out alone with you. Itsnot you we have the problem with, it's the kids and house work and bills. Yes I love my kids dearly but I would love to get dressed up and feel like Im a woman too not just a mum who cleans and cooks.
  • Jackson says
    The biggest sign would be she no longer wants to talk things through with you, a sure sign that she has given up on the relationship. When my partner and i are having 'differences' she is always the one wanting us to talk about our feelings, although at times i do find it annoying, as my way of dealing with things is to just take some time to myself and think through BUT i would be might concerned should she appear to be doing the same. In saying all of this,the majority of break up involving women walking out that i've encountered have all been a bolt out of the blue, no readable signs, just up and gone. My partner says its because when they make up their minds that its over thats it, no dilly-dallying around like us men, dragging it out, slowly emotionally backing away. And to be honest i think that i prefer it that way.
  • Cindy says
    To be honest if a girl wants to leave...she's a coward to show signs! she should be straight up and do it! and for the guy! he should be making an effort ALL the time and making is other half want to stay with him!
  • I agree that they could be signs of depression or even guilt if she's cheated but I definitely would agree that they are all signs of leaving, as I have been the one to show them and leave (and believe me it's bloody hard to get the courage to just do it!) but you have to talk to the person and ask if there's anything going on in a sensitive calm way in order to get any clues as to what is actually going on because sometimes she might not even know she's doing some of these things.
  • 11. She starts playing World of Warcraft ALL THE TIME!
  • Taradivya says
    this list is rubbish - there are many reasons why these things can happen - if you want to know whats goin on ask your partner - assumptions make for huge mis communnication - what if she is planning a secret for you - what if she is angry depressed - how about hormonal issuses - what you project on to someone is usually what you have going on in yourself -
  • Glenn says
    Having been a serial cheater all my life, I can say with complete conviction that the above list is 100% spot on.
  • harksgal says
    Well i guess the same applies to men cheating according to the above persons comment. Have to agree with the others though that many of these reasons can happen for other reasons too. For instance....I spend alot of time on the computer but i definatly dont go chatting to other guys or trying to hook up with them and hell yes i wouldn't mind a boob job who wouldn't. And yes im going to perk up if im going out to do something, everyone likes to get out of the house. Also i just love to dress up and take care of my appearence, i think too many people just let them selves go when they find a partner, why not look good for your partner and then he will have no reason to go looking any where else. And lastly if people want to cheat why dont they just be up front and end their relationship, Its like the above guy is proud of his cheating, its disgusting and so uncool.
  • barnes10 says
    or if she starts hanging out with Dr Phil and his son!

    ...poor Hef don't worry mate I'm sure there are plenty of other blonde, hot, single, money grabbing, sexy, attention seeking, low standards, silicone implanted, ex- playmates in the sea for you.

    pop a couple of blue pills, harden up and grab the first girl to knock on the mansion door.
  • Prettyboy says
    take the list with a grain of salt.
    I probably do most of those things, apart from changing my style as I don't have any, but I aren't looking at walking out on my wife, kids and dog for the hot young receptionist at my work as tempting as it may be. Who doesn't want to lose weight, earn xtra cash, get excited when you go out, get stressed, spend time on the computer and by the way the hot young receptionist is WAY out of my league :)

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