Has your significant other been acting different lately? Does she seem more distant, detached, and less available than she used to be? Does she avoid long discussions, or the arguments you used to have, or opportunities for intimacy? And are you starting to wonder where she is or what she is doing? These are some of the signals that could indicate she is becoming involved with someone else.
Here are ten signs that show up when someone is pulling away, has met another, or … is thinking about walking:
1. She gets a new cell phone. When she leaves the room to take calls on her new cell phone, something is up. If she can’t leave the room, or she doesn’t answer her phone because you are there, she may say it’s just a business call and that she’ll call them back later. This is a sign that she may be talking to someone she doesn’t want you to know about.
2. She changes her style. If she buys new clothes, changes her hairstyle, and is more concerned about her appearance than you remember her being before, if it’s not a mid-life crisis, this can be an indication that she is trying to please someone other than you.
3. Her work hours change. It’s suspicious when she has more weekend or overnight trips and works later at the office than she used to…unless she just got a big promotion.
4. She displays more emotional distance than usual. If she’s just not there and you can’t reach her, no matter what you say or do, something has caused her to retreat. When you ask what’s going on with her and she says it’s her work, this response deserves further investigation.
5. She often mopes around the house, but before she goes out, she perks up. If she has an attitude that she is misunderstood and unappreciated at home, this may be her justification for doing something she feels guilty about. She doesn’t want your help when she is feeling down. She only starts to look happy when she is leaving the house.
6. She wants a new body: i.e. breast implants, or a facelift, or a tummy tuck… when she’s never talked about needing this before. (She has not gotten a raise and she’s not the right age for a mid-life crisis.)
7. She accuses you of flirting or wanting to be with other women. This seems to come out of left field. You are surprised when she says she thinks you are having an affair. People often accuse others of what they themselves are doing… or are thinking of doing.
8. She’s critical. She criticizes the way you look, the way you think, what you say, or the way you do things. When you protest, she accuses you of being critical of her. She seems to continually be finding things wrong with you. But then you realize…you haven’t changed—she has.
9. She spends hours on the computer. She has started to stay up late using the computer. When you ask her about it, she makes excuses, or says that it’s work related, or… just won’t tell you what she’s doing.
10. Sex is non-existent or uninspired. You can’t remember when she’s paid attention to you …or, when the two of you have had a romantic night. She doesn’t seem to miss you the way you miss her. When you mention this to her, she denies that anything is wrong. Often, she says she’s just tired.
Any one of these signs is a red flag that something is not working in your relationship, but if you answered yes to three or more, it signifies that your romance is rocky and needs immediate attention.
It’s not a good idea to live in denial that things have changed for the two of you and hope that she will go back to being the way she used to be. It is a good idea to go to counseling together if you want to save your relationship. If she won’t go to a counselor with you, and if you can’t put it back together, stay in counseling long enough to heal… and to see what you can learn.
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